All I want for mother’s day…

…is a day of not being a mother.

I want a day when I can get out of bed whenever I want to.  At 430 AM excited about a mountain adventure or stretching lazily at 1030 AM after a long  dozy sleep-in.

I want a day when I can go for a long trail run followed by coffee and pancakes.  Or a day of skiing that doesn’t end with a frantic dash to pick up my kid “on-time” followed by hours of playing and feeding and bathing and rocking and listening to him gripe to himself for 30 minutes while he falls asleep.  No, a day of skiing that ends with a leisurely beer and burger or some other fat, salt and carb-laden meal that you would never tell your yoga classmates about would be perfect.  And currently unattainable.

I want a day when I can do something for myself without feeling like I am shirking my responsibilities.

I want to be able to buy myself a really fabulous pair of shoes without equating them to the number of childcare hours or tiny t-shirts or square footage in a larger home with a play room and a back yard so the child can run free, that they might buy.

I want a day when I don’t have to chose my hairstyle and accessories in order to minimize the likelihood that my son will try to pull my ears off or my hair out.

I want a day when I can wear a dry-cleanable or delicate fabric without knowing it is likely to be ruined by mashed banana or snot or torn by grasping little claw-hands.

I want a brain that can think these thoughts without immediately throwing in thoughts to help justify these ones.  Thoughts like, “but I really really love my son and love being a mother and I want everyone to understand that even though I just want to relive one day before he existed because I squandered those days and didn’t realize how good I had it.”

I just want one day off.

We have friends that tells that having children is like entering a long dark tunnel.  There is light on the other side, but you only get there when your youngest is about 4 years old and one day you hear them get out of bed at 6 am and the realization hits you that you don’t have to get out of bed too because they will be just fine for a couple of hours eating the snacks you have intelligently stored in a low cupboard and watching cartoons and so you get to roll over and go back to sleep.

I want to roll over and go back to sleep.

 

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3 comments

  1. Same here! Unfortunately the light at the end of the tunnel keeps getting further away. My older two who should know better are less than quiet on Saturday mornings. Also there is my husband who seems to love to wake me up if the kids actually manage to be quiet. Is it any wonder that my dream job is to become a hermit?

    1. Maybe you will luck out and everyone will turn 18 and go away to college or join the armed forces?

  2. Elaine · · Reply

    I would have settled for a little breakfast in bed and a shower. No such luck. Before I decided I wanted a bigger family I had a 5 and 8 year old. It was an easier time. Even now I can ask my 11 year old to get the toddler some cheerioes while I stay in bed for a bit and snuggle with the baby.

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